JOKES OR RIDDLES, HAVE YOU GOT SOME.

Post in jokes or riddles that you know. :D

Heres a joke,
There was 4 people on a plane and it was going down as it was too heavy. They was a Mexican, Indian, Asian and Australian. They each decided that they had to throw something out each. So the Mexican through out some tacos saying theres too much of that in our country. The Indian threw out some curry saying that theres too much of that in our country. The Asian threw out some Noodles saying theres too much of that in our country and then the Australian threw out the Asian saying theres too much of them in our country.

HAHAHA

 

Last time i heard that i fell off my pet dinosaur.

I cant post any of my jokes, there racist.

 

So there is a girl with no arms and legs and she is sitting on a bench crying. A man comes up to her and says "What's wrong?" and she says "I've never been fucked!". The man then says "Well, I can fix that", so she goes with him into his car. The man then drives out to the water where his boat is. They then get into the boat and drive out into the middle of the lake. It is dark and they are sitting in the bedroom with some candles lit. The man then grabs her, and she says "Well, this is romantic", he picks the girl up, and throws her into the lake, and says "Now you're fucked"

That was a one my friend told me recently, I think I forgot alot of the last part though :p

 

I've compiled a bunch of jokes from all of my classes, however most of these are pretty situational and/or outright terrible.
I'll post a few of the milder ones:
My professor, to his class, just before beginning the first lecture of the year: "You people better be careful or you might learn something here."

Spoiler

One from my first C++ class.
The math professor just accepted a new position at a university in another city and has to move. He and his wife pack all their belongings into cardboard boxes and have them shipped off to their new home. To sort out some family matters, the wife stays behind for a few more days while her husband has already left for their new residence.
The boxes arrive when the wife still hasn't rejoined her husband. When they talk on the phone in the evening, she asks him to count the boxes, just to make sure the movers didn't lose any of them.
"Thirty nine boxes altogether", says the prof on the phone.
"That can't be", the wife exclaims. "The movers picked up forty boxes at our old place."
The prof counts once again, but again his count only reaches 39.
The next morning, the wife calls the moving company and complains. The company promises to check; a few hours later, someone calls back and reports that all forty boxes did arrive.
In the evening, when the prof and his wife are on the phone again, she asks: "I don't understand it. When you count, you get 39, and when they do, they get 40. That's more than strange..."
"Well", the prof says. "This is a cordless phone, so you can stay on the line and count with me: zero, one, two, three,..."

And another one, which I've found online to conveniently save typing

Spoiler

When Noah's ark had finally come to a rest on top of mount Ararat, and when the waters had receded, Noah and his family - along with all the animals - left the ark, and God told them to be fruitful and multiply upon the earth.
But after all those months under deck on an overcrowded ark, none of the animals was in the mood for sex anymore.
Noah, who knew all too well what God could do in his wrath if his creatures were disobedient, got desperate.
So, he tore down one of the ark's masts, cut it into pieces, and built a table out of the logs. Then he told one of the snakes to perform a lascivious dance on top of the table and made all the other animals gather around it. After a while the snake's seductive moves showed an effect: One animal after the other started rocking in the rhythm of the snake's dance, and one after the other sneaked off with its mate to more private places... Finally, the dancing snake and her mate were all alone, and they too disappeared.
And Noah was pleased that God's will would be heeded.
Q: What does this story from the book of Genesis teach us about math?
A: When you have to multiply, all you need are a log table and an adder!

 

Spoiler: Spoiler Alert

zero, one, two, three,..."

 

Still post them if there racist, doesn't matter
</br>--- merged: Dec 23, 2012 11:51 PM ---</br>

Not bad.