Escape to freedom!

Behold!

This map represents the only way out of your country (Shitpostland), to the mythical land Somewhere Better (Where everyone is funny and clever and informative and never ever shitposts)


You need to place a character, then move across! (You can either make your own or shoop one in.)

Sound easy, right? Well, no, because, a Wizard has warned you you need to move through one of the designated red numbers at a time to get through! Or else!


Just remember these five simple rules:

1) You must gradually move forward point to point.
2) Something awful will happen to you at each point,
3) What happens will be tied to the area around the point, so you may be able to guess what happens, and try and prevent it.
4) This is an accumulative game, so you take a turn, then someone else takes a turn. Edit in what your plan for the next step, then the map will be updated to show what happens.
5) Wizards are dicks



Go! Also, to prove I'm not making it up as I go along, I invite a trusted forum member to declare themselves a non participant, whom I shall forward on the plan to. They will be forbidden from playing or helping.

 

Wait, do we have to follow the numbers in order, or do they just represent points we have to pass through?

e: I think I'll be in for this, just not posting until later tonight. :P

 

I declare myself a nonparticipant. I basically lack large amounts of imagination,. You can totally trust me too. Who do you think would be more believable, a person who says they are trustworthy, or a person who says they are trustworthy, but is also known to lie?

 

Just represent points to pass through, sorry for not being clear. Like say you start at 1, you can go to any adjacent number (2, 4, 5, 3), so you pick 4, then you can go 2, 8, 5, 7, 1, and so on.


Also Kouji's silver tongue has bought him the spot.

 

Whatever you think is appropriate, provided it isn't retardedly out of proportion in relation to the map.

 

Standing at the borders of Shitpostland, Fred thought he could finally make it in the world. After passing through the myriad of fences, minefields, pits full of dogs and strangely proportioned towers, he would be in Somewhere Better. Maybe they wouldn't make fun of his awfully drawn feet. Maybe his hairless body wouldn't matter.

Armed with only his bare skin and abnormally large manhood, he would break through, and forge a new life for himself. Maybe as a lawyer.

 

Objection Fred doesn't consort with those with a lower definition than himself, nor with those who have visible deformities, such as lacking a clear neck or solid face, because he is one prejudiced son-of-a-gun. With a wang of such gargantuan size as his, he can afford to look past his poorly drawn feet, and focus on the one true task of lawyers: wholesale destruction of mankind.

 

After some short investigation, Fred noticed that Henry forgot to bring ammunition for his handgun. He also noticed that he had been lying about his height, due to stark problems with the resolution of his image. Close inspection revealed that the following image is the true size of Henry, in comparison to Fred.



Fred, being an aspiring lawyer with great potential, immediately capitalised on his opponents suddenly revealed weakness.



Leaving the situation as shown in the spoiler beneath.

Spoiler: Don't underestimate a goddamn lawyer with a gigantic cock, I can tell you're not feeling lucky, punk.

 

Before you can kill me, you've got to remember to face the hazards of the land! Remember, there is a Wizard, who speaks only german, has really tight border security, and probably draws his fashion sense in terms of facial topiary from the likes of Charlie Chaplin, and he doesn't want his shitposter out of the shitpost master-race-homeland. And, if I remember rightly, the Wizard doesn't take to kindly to other cultures on his land.

Beef, if ever, now is the time to work your magic.

 

Henry is dead, man. Or at least, as alive as you can be when half of your 4-inch-tall body has been smeared across the pavement of border control, and the other half is smeared across the foot of a well-endowed man at border control.