(closed) [BoW] - PROCEDURALLY GENERATED DISAPPOINTMENT

who knew there was a 20 tag limit?

 

I'm disappointed that we can only have 20 tags. I guess we'll just have to start using tags in our own posts.

#serious #slightly uncomfortable #12 nipples is too many? #shaggy's an idiot

 

#shush

 

Shaggy, what are you doing you idiot? it's #BlameGlen
#CallShaggyAnIdiot

 

Firstly, this isn't a fucking village, it's barely a hamlet at best, we have no fucking amenities. I mean, if we wanted to be a village, we'd need at least 2 working pubs, maybe 3-4 closed down pubs, an upmarket tea room for elderly visitors, and upmarket tea room for middle class visitors, a post office that is open for 3 hours a week, a village hall, a parish council, 16 old churches in varying states of abandon (populated only my the weary and moaning souls of the eternally ancient), more than one farmer, a semi-retired writer who is full of himself, and semi-retired artist who hates life, a lunch club that caters to the elderly, a lunch club that caters to the middle class, a manor house owned by an unpopular conservative MP, a village square, a dubious history concerning witches, an obscenely racist tradition, several orchards, at least 3 sheep, an old man who walks his dog along the same route 3 times a day until one day he doesn't and you know that something terrible has happened but you don't know what to do about it or who to tell and it tears you apart inside, no black people,n to the power of 3 graveyards (where n is the number of old churches in varying states of abandon; half of the graveyards must be creepy or better), a memorial for those killed in the First World War, a memorial for those killed in the Second World War, a memorial for those inconvenienced by either World War, a former politician who takes deep interest in birdwatching, a protestant primary school, an upsettingly disused manor house along a long lane, blackberries, hordes of uncontainable ducks, old ladies to feed the ducks, old ladies to feed the cats, cats to be fed by old ladies, a neighbourhood watch association that only ever complains about change, young people who hate their parents, parents who hate their young people, people who believe the term 'wog' is current, people who know the word 'wog' isn't current but save valuable racism time by using it as opposed to their alternative options for racist terms, no brown people, 8 pitchforks per person, archaic hunting practices, an antiques shop, a antiques shop that is also a tea room, an antique motoring society that has 3 members who meet up to drink stout in the evenings, an award for being Britain's Most [insert term here] Village, an unnatural reverence for the Queen, a blunt approach to politics, a blunt approach to personal hygiene, fewer than 4 electronic devices made within the past 10 years, fewer than 10 electronic devices made within the past 20 years, a shop, half a play park, to be shared with another village, vast tracts of boggy land, some birds probably, no yellow people, no foreign accents except for a Norwegian couple who don't fit in because they're nice people and are also vegetarians which is unnatural and disgusting and almost worse than being a wog, a single entrance to the area by vehicle, horses, a noticeboard in a really inconvenient place, a bus stop, a mobile phone mast 8 miles away, a town 5 miles away that people consider a major shopping destination, a stream, a legacy of mysterious murders that continue to happen but are ignored by society as another part of the charm of a small village, no eastern europeans, a really radical christian who is merely tolerated, a hat shop and

We have tattoos as well, it's just they're all in glow in the dark ink that doesn't show up during the day time, so when we go to the sauna at night time we can wink at each other illuminatingly, and the other 3 men in the sauna will just think it's a mating ritual so they'll leave us to it.