Dwarf Fortress - Praise Armok!

DF is actually rather hilarious.

I have heard many a story..

one of which I shall outline below.

"Once upon a time, there was an adventurer. This adventurer was out adventuring, when he encoutered a rather large bronze colossus. The colossus swung at the adventurer with all his might, but the adventurer deftly dodged the attack. But his weapons were useless. He could not hope to damage the colossus. In a spurt of inspiration, however, he noticed a pack of Fluffy Wamblers nearby. The adventurer picked up the wambler, and threw it at the colossus's head with all of his might. The Wambler smacks the Colossus in the head with the force of a ton of bricks, damaging it thoroughly, and the colossus, as soon as he appeared, falls apart into many peices of indistinct bronze, going back into the earth from whence he came."

http://dwarffortresswiki.org/index.php/DF2012:Fluffy_wambler

They don't even have any bones. They're just like, giant sour patch kids that are made of fat and fur.

http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=56935.0

This is the original rendition of the story, complete with screenshots.

 

Report from Tradekiss, spring 481

Spoiler: The season began with a set of workflow orders.

DFHACK simplifies fortress management immensely. A working knowledge of DF raws - data stored as text in the game folders - facilitates its use somewhat, along with a good intuitive sense for guessing at the proper categorizations. These orders ensure that empty barrels, ash and lye are always at the ready. Healthcare is a high priority.

Spoiler: Everydwarf has been assigned a team, A, B or C, with duties relevant to the production of FOOD, DRINK and POTASH.

Shorast Teloddom has been instrumental in defense of our settlement since the disaster. She's been geared up with leathers and a crude copper blade. While in the midst of dispatching the undead that plague us, she was attacked by ravens. Three were slain. They were cut up so badly the meat was of no use to us. She has been training ever since, and none too happy about it. Zuglar heard her complaints, and did his best to placate our hero, but she would be needed later...
(screencap from DwarfTherapist. Coloured bar, from green to red, indicates mood, happy through to miserable.)

Spoiler: The forest has been marked for clearcutting.

And our activities were discovered by a party of elves who came bearing goods. They should have known better than to come here, to a bitterly embattled fortress, carrying everything we needed. Treaties be damned!

As soon as they'd settled in at the depot, Shorast burst through the door, screaming bloody murder, and swiftly did them in. They must have been mesmerized by the sight of the woman, plump with child. They hadn't so much as lifted their arms in retaliation or defense.

Her duty done and according to her wishes, Shorast Teloddom has been removed from the military. She is to remain within the confines of our would-be fortress, in relative safety, until such a time as her babe can toddle on his own.

 

The solution is simple.
MORE MAGMA
</br>--- merged: Mar 28, 2012 4:54 PM ---</br>

Wut.
You use potash makers?
Those are only good for training the dragon having lovely rooms whit automatic heating!
</br>--- merged: Mar 28, 2012 4:56 PM ---</br>

You forgot that a insane wrestler killed the entire fort while ON FIRE.
Thats my favorite part <3

EDIT:
Yes, i know, im merging it.
Thats what merging is for, right?
EDIT2:
Dwarf fortress forums is a much bigger source of in-jokes and science for dwarf fortress imo.
I love the game completely, its so awesome, and i love the community too.

 

Potash doubles the yield of crops. Given that we were facing starvation, the potash was a good investment.

Yes-I-most-certainly forgot about that. Does this one also contain the story of the blind marksman?


...and in the spirit of such greatness, I've decided to offer up my saves. I just can't take it. There's this damned company of goblins sitting outside the fortress, wearing bloody iron plate, which my bone bolts just can't penetrate. We get the occasional headshot, but we're largely lacking skilled archers. A legendary mechanic was killed in the assault, before the "castle" could go into full lockdown.

Rather than posting a 40MB save to KAGforum, I'm hosting it elsewhere. <---- link

 

You realize that you must do the only dorfy thing that can be done at this point?
YOU
MUST
USE
MAGMAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (anyway, if you dont have underground crops youre always screwed. I think you could survive down there for a while, if you took the right precautions. find a mamga pipe and flood those bastards!)

EDIT:
By the way, like my new avatar?
:3
I just GIMP'd it togheter.

 

took me 3 days to learn to play

 

Thats the charm.
A *cave spider silk sock* that your fort dies quickly.

 

DF is pretty good, though it took me a good few days to figure it all out. My fondest, and most hated, memory was when I had a massive 'fortress' established, tons of underground farms, plenty of food and beer, all in all, doing pretty well. But then....I dug to hell. Literally. A mass of hellish creatures invaded my fortress, and took about 80 lives before being fought back by my champions. Sadly, my champions pursued the demons to the pit where they came from, and were promptly possessed. I lost my fortress to three overpowered undead dwarves :( If you want, I'll upload the save from just before the event, just dig down on more level, should find hell pretty easily.

 

Thats not anything special, you got a bit greedy whit the cotton candy, and if you are too greedy, the clown car may come!
(this is massive spoiler bro. in df forums we censor it whit cotton candy and clowns.)

EDIT:
Que music:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bWtMgmvEkc

EDIT2:
Also, why do you think that the motto is 'losing is fun!'
I lost my first fort to starvation, and the second one to a well.
(i didnt think about water pressure ;_; )

 

You know, in 3... maybe, 4 years of play, I've only ever mined the blue stuff once. And I've never suffered on its behalf.

 

Just remembered an old dwarf fortress game me and a few people 'played' a while ago. Basically, the principle was to spend a year improving/destroying the fortress, trying to survive, before then giving the save file to the next person in line. We recorded our playthrough through a series of diaries on our fortress; Boatmurdered (i didn't come up with the name ^^)
If you want to read it (beware, its quite long) here's the link: http://lparchive.org/Dwarf-Fortress-Boatmurdered/Introduction/
Sadly, it fell partly due to one of our overseers being a complete idiot, and partly due to a massive horde of bloodthirsty elephants (I kid you not, read it)
P.S. I'm Locus, the handsome, sensible one

 

My, oh my! We have a true veteran among our ranks!

 

Well, incompetent fool might be closer to the mark, but thank you anyway ;) Still, I was probably the least incompetent fool out of the lot o.O I might still have the original saves for Boatmurdered on my ancient hard drive, that's currently gathering dust in the corner. If you want, I can upload a couple, so you can experience the full might of the elephant army. Also, don't piss off the humans like we did, it didn't end well.

 

WHAT?
YOU WERE PART OF BOATMURDERD?
OH MY GOD!
:O
Thats dwarven history!
That story is LEGEND!
Also, all overseers were complete idiots, you included.
Had a pretty awesome end. i still remember the lever flooding the siege workshop.
That story is really like dwarven basic school literature.
We still use memes from that time, like engravings of cheese!

EDIT:
Also, the humans may be pissed off, but that didnt end it. It was basicly burning corpses + tantrum spiral + insane burning dwarf beating elite marksdwarf to death. (SANKIS!)
Also, do you have a acient df for us to use whit that? wont be worth alot else :P

 

I think I might still have it, I'll check later :) Also, compared to the other overseers, I was practically einstein to their....idiocy. And yes, Sankis messed everything up. But then, who didn't :p We survived countless goblin raids, an elephant siege, a backfiring magma trapped, only to be smoked to death :( Also, please execute Sankis immediately. He was the cause of our downfall D:
</br>--- merged: Mar 30, 2012 6:12 PM ---</br>
P.S. Did you like my picture of the fall of Boatmurdered? Captures the events perfectly ^^

 

Was it the black-white abstract one whit the elephants and 2 dwarves pulling levers?
Else i dont remember it.
Really, its quite a honor to have you here.
I THINK i once played df in 23e, but that was a long time ago and i tought it was a game where secret agents had to infiltrate a building
Anyway, my fort was doing well until my carpenter decided the bottom of the waterfall was a perfect place to chill around.
He took the fast way down :(
So, i adbandond.
Lets gen a new world.
Also, ever met loud whispers on the df forums? He's kind of insane if you ask me.
And there's something mysterious about his avatar.

 

I've met him, he's a bit......odd. To say the least. And no, final page, there's my drawing of psycho dwarf (Sankis) setting everyone on fire :D Might be an idea to start a new world, though i probably won't be able to play df for a couple of days anyways :( Also, secret agents invading a building? You've been watching too much tv. Bad tv specifically.
</br>--- merged: Mar 30, 2012 6:37 PM ---</br>
This ring any bells?

 

Ooh, that picture! i recall it now.
And that was really long ago.
When i was like 8 or so.
As said, i dont remember.

 

Wow, that makes you only a couple of years younger than me :D I was 11(ish) when I made that, always been good at art ^^

 

So it's settled. We're playing a community game. I'll be idling on the quakenet-IRC channels. Reach me there so we can discuss the rules, discuss our strategy, form architectural plans, and recruit new players.

webchat.quakenet.org #kag