[1013] Penis Tower

Now, before you get the wrong idea, this building is actually built for defence, and only looks a little bit like the male genitalia. I have seen a few penis towers in kag, but it makes me sad that none of them are suited for actual combat. I hope to change it with this.

Here is the tower in all it's glory:

Amazing right? It could be improved even more, surprisingly.

But how do I get this amazing monument of male genitalia to defend my castle? Well don't just sit there and wonder! I'll teach you!


First make a basic wooden tower like this. Except for that one background block, I placed that there just to annoy OCD people.


Next, cover it in stone and add that little cap at the top. Before you say something like " 1 fire arrow in the peepee hole and your tower is a goner" or "New meaning to fire in the bed if you know what I mean", notice the stone background blocks.


After that, repeat the wood on the other side, and make little notches to put trampolines and the saw in. Only people very skilled in placeing trampolines can do this. "But what are these trampolines for, Banakai?" . Well, thanks for asking, knights can jump up and fly out of the top of the penis and shield glide out. Could possibly be improved by adding more trampolines. "What is the saw for banakai?" *sigh* do I have to tell you everything? Your penis also functions as a sawmill! (The tower of course) Just throw up some logs and it will fly up and turn into wood! Also makes a pleasing effect with the woodchips.



Now that you have your shaft, now it's time to work on the testicles. In the left testicle (or right if your the other team) create a travel tunnel. Simple enough.


In the right testicle, make a knight shop. Could possibly be improved by making the center of the tower bigger, and putting it there so that knights don't have to go over if they want to jump up through the shaft. Originally I wanted to put an archer shop here, but meh, knights can get stuff while running out the front door.



WOAH looking a little lopsided huh? just try your best to ignore that.

Build an archer's nest on the right testicle. This also helps knights from climbing on the testicle.
One of my picture won't work, but I also put an archer shop there.

Your basic penis tower is complete!

but it can be improved...



Add your choice of trap in front! props if you create a genital themed trap.



There is a perfect position for a ballista there!



Or put a catapult on the top!



There's a perfect spot for a builder shop/ siege workshop/ boat shop on the left, even makes it look like a penis again.

You probbably shouldn't build it out of wood like I did. I just got lazy and didn't want to suicide for materials again.


No penis tower is complete without a sign saying "[enemy team] Sucks!"


Why this is such an awesome tower: All jokes aside, This is actually a pretty good tower. The travel tunnel is purpousely put in back, so that knights can continue to attack in case of a breach. There is a flow to the tower , so that knights walking out the front door can buy stuff on the way out, without having to go out of their way. (which would be even better if it was in the shaft) Same with archers, an archer can climb up to the nest, buy a fire arrow, and burn the enemy's crappy wood penis tower (Splinters ouch!) without having to go back to spawn and navigate from travel tunnel to shop. The multi-room design in this tower makes it pretty safe against kegs, since it will probbably only open up one room. This is furthered by the thick base, so that you won't get a collapse easily, but the shaft still keeps it from being bomb jumped or climbed easily and saves the resources of building a tower that thick.

 

Brilliant!

 

I know! Innovative, isn't it!?

Also I noticed the trap picture is the wrong one, but that doesn't really need a visual aid

 

You sir have a strange picture of what penis looks like.

Seriously now, nice building, I like very much the part about the 'flow' it really helps to keep the fast paced timing of the battle.

 

Certainly not the most realistic penis tower, but it is the most useful

 

I saw a very penile tower once... apparently it wasn't intentional so he got mad when I called it out.

 

a single firearrow will take down the whole tower