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Story Attempted KAG Story

Discussion in 'KAG Media' started by Lemmingworld, Sep 3, 2012.

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Do you like it so far?

  1. Yeah its good.

    70.0%
  2. Nope I dont like it.

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  3. Where are teh wafflez?

    30.0%
  1. Lemmingworld

    Lemmingworld Catapult Fodder

    Messages:
    20
    Well today I got really freaking bored and decided to write a kag fanfiction (lolz)
    Anyways here is some stuff that you should follow before you post or comment.
    *Its okay for the constructive critsism but I don't need: OMG YOU SUCK SO MUCHS!!!1!!!1! YOUR STORY IS BULLSHIZ!...etc
    *Some new stuff is going to be in the game, but is going to stay in the realistic kag boarders so people arnt going to be coming in with machine guns firing everywhere.
    *So yeah... Thanks for any good feedback =D
    *And the story starts...
    *Remember to "watch thread" cuz im going to be posting updates randomly on this page.
    ----

    Chapter one- My normal life
    It had been a normal day in the town where I lived.

    People walked through the streets buying from the merchants, chatting, and doing whatever else they wanted to. I watched the street below from the foggy window in my room watching the people. I walked downstairs to the kitchen/living room area. Huh, parents arn't home, as usual...

    My parents worked for the royal army. My mother wasn't allowed to tell me what she did but she just said that she "worked for the king" whatever that means. My father was a general of BLU's main stream of soldiers. About a year ago my dad taught me how to wield a sword. He was worried about if I got drafted he would want me to have some skills before I was on the battlefield. I never saw him anymore after that. He was caught up in the high council in the capital after some of his friends were murdered in battle. I didn't really know what his goal was, but whenever I talked about it in front of my mom she grew all quiet and I would just leave the room. Meh, why am I thinking about this anyways. Lets go have some fun.

    I walked toward the door and swung it open, Stepping into the brisk air outside. "Hey Trent!", called out Sir Bradley, a builder working on a new shop. Wooden ladders were placed all around the building as about eight workers were slowly building it up.
    "Morning Bradley." I replied.
    "How's the new shop going?"
    "Oh it's going great! We recruited some new workers yesterday and progress is has been pretty smooth!" He smiled. "Well as much as I would like to talk I need to get back to work."
    "Okay then, good luck."
    I turned away from the shop being built and was walking away when suddenly my hearing exploded! I fell to the ground as an invisible force knocked me to the ground! What the hell!??? I looked back at the shop and a huge chunk of the building was gone! As flames leaped up from the ladders and wood I pushed myself from the ground and ran towards the smoldering remains of the shop. Sir Bradley was on the ground, out cold. I remembered he had climbed up to the top of the shop, about thirty feet, just before the explosion!
    "Bradley! Wake up!" It was no use, he was totally out. My eyes narrowed at figures running from the flames. There was only one explanation for this:
    Griefers!


    Chapter two- Retaliation
    Oh shit not today! I could hear admins running towards the scene... They won't make it in time. I checked on all of the builders, sadly most of them died from the fall from the top of the building. It looked like Bradley was alive but unconscious and a broken arm and leg. I knew one thing... that only I could make it in time.
    I ran back to my house and up to the attic, where my father kept the old steel training sword. Then climbed out to the top of the roof. I stood back to the edge and jumped as far as I could, landing on the other building. I got used to the step back and jump and got used to a good pase.
    I was slowly gaining up to the two griefers. One turned around suddenly-...Oh gawd. One chucked a bomb at me! I swung around and dodged it, and the shockwave hit me full-on. almost tripping into the alleyways in between buildings. I tripped and fell onto the stone roof of a building. The building behind me had a large gaping hole in the roof. I could see a girl sitting on a chair through the hole, staring at me. I winked at her and climbed down the building. The griefers were almost out of the city! I have to get to the bridge faster then them and cut them off! I took a shortcut to the bridge. You could always find the bridge because at the top of it there was a large statue of some national guard. Admins were walking through the crowds towards the bridge. Easily picked out because of they're white and black cloaks. I ran up to the start of the bridge. Waiting for the griefers.
    Apparently they had split up. The first one never saw it coming. I unsheathed the sword and swung it at the man's chest.I whipped him around and shoved his head against the railing three times. He died before he hit the ground. Blood was seeping from the fatal wound and my sword was covered in blood. The second griefer knew I was there. I locked eyes with him and ran at him. As I was running he pulled out some pretty intresting looking knives. I dragged the sword across the ground and did a upward swipe. The man dodged the attack and lunged at me. I barely had time to block the attack from hitting me. I backed away slowly. The man moved forward and I ducked under his knives slashing at his wrist. I looked away as his hand fell off. He yelled a string of cuss words and curses. He yelled something in some other tongue. People started walking towards us taking out swords, clubs, and other stuff that would probably hurt if you got hit. "Get down!" Someone yelled. I did so and a admin jumped out from above me. He carried a giant battle axe decapitating anyone who stood close. "Brothers! To arms!" He yelled. More admins created a ring around the griefer's buddies. I backed away from the crowd watching the gruesome scene. The admins had something different about them. A normal man hitting a man with a sword would give that man a bad wound. But if a admin hit a man with a sword they're body just exploded, cut straight in half. They're "white and grey cloaks" were now white, grey, and a LOT of red.
    "We got another one!" One admin yelled. A man behind me hit me hard in the head with a his shield. Everything went black.
    Chapter 3- Corruption
    The powers I had. I never found out how I got them. But one thing is for sure. I am a weapon, not a human. I watched as my creators pieced me together. It hurt when they failed to make a correct placement of hardware.
    I didn't see people anymore. I saw data,vital parts, and pulses. I watched the humans build castle fighting the opposite colors. I didn't know what my purpose truly was but I was certain I was made to kill. I dropped down from the trees, walking towards the castle. I closed my eyes and used the only weapon I had. Numbers flared in my mind...
    /. Database /. login = 103274932as1093921sageaaw0321
    /.Info = Access granted to user A.I. /.Strength = 123498-134879241-426532425
    /.Strength_Activated /.Sending file 840234s0djsakl_39842910_1279
    /. Returing to default "fight" settings.x

    I opened my eyes. I kept walking towards the settlement. A man was sitting in a tower looking out towards the bleak prairie landscape. He noticed me and yelled "HALT!" I closed my eyes again.
    /. Scan_object b32840alpha
    I opened my eyes again, this time everything grey and white. The only color was the vital parts in the man's body.
    The tower was seventy feet away and I jumped with superhuman strength. Airborne, I raised a fist As I was flying towards the man. "Holy shit!" He screamed. I crashed straight through the wooden top of the watchtower. I raised fist knocking him back into the wall snapping his neck. The soldiers inside the walls were beginning to wake up. I took the man's crossbow and jumped down. I walked slowly towards to the ring of tents. One of the tent's flap opened up, I spun around and fired hitting the man in the neck with the arrow. He fell down with a gurgled scream shaking wildly. I fired again shooting him in the head. He stopped shaking and rested on the ground. I ran up to him taking his sword. By now there were ten knights around me. "Stop or be killed!" One of them said. I jumped up in the air, grabbing the knives on my belt and threw them at three knights. They ducked down. One was hit in the chest and the other one was hit in the eye. The third was still alive. They were slowly moving in. I could see what they were going to do next. I was constantly scanning. One was brave enough and lunged at me with his sword. I drop-kicked him knocking him down then stabbed him. I turned around suddenly throwing my sword at the person behind me. I ran the other way from the sword to the edge of the wall. I rebounded off the wall and crashed into one of the soldiers I punched him in the face twice knocking him out and giving him a serious concussion. I took his sword slashed at the soldiers' legs I cut one soldier's leg off and the other his foot. They stumbled to the ground, a slow and painful death. There was only two soldiers left. I ran up too one dodged his sword and took a huge breath and pulled my fist back. There was a loud boom from my fist breaking the sound barrier as I punched straight through his chest out the other side. The body flew to the other side of the castle (About four hundred feet) and exploded on the wall.My arms and hands were soaked with blood. I walked up to the last knight. "I am the A.I." I said. Then I walked away and set the castle on fire.

    Authur's note: Seriously I've been overlooking this and I think I'm doing the I did this I did that. Seriously like half the story is I ripped his head off.
     
    barge74, Stevedog, Lieber and 4 others like this.
  2. FuzzyBlueBaron

    FuzzyBlueBaron Warm, Caring, Benign, Good and Kind Philanthrope Global Moderator Forum Moderator Donator Tester
    1. The Young Blood Collective - [YB]

    Messages:
    2,508
    Loving it. :B):

    I've taken the liberty of adding in some line breaks & punctuation for you. In case you don't like the changes I've PM'd you an unedited copy of your first chapter. Maybe compare the two copies to see what kind of things I changed; that way you can learn more skills for your next installment. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask them of me. ;)
     
    Lemmingworld likes this.
  3. Ghozt

    Ghozt Haxor

    Messages:
    1,083
    The amazing FBB. <3

    This is all quite good. I like to think I started some of this story writing stuff. https://forum.kag2d.com/threads/story-king-arthurs-army.7175/

    I can already tell you play TF2. (99% sure at-least) (For everyone, the Blue coloured team in TF2 is named Blu.

    Good story, the only problem I really have with it is that the story has progressed so quickly. Anyway, as FBB says, you have the first and most important rule of writing down.

    WRITING!
     
    Lemmingworld likes this.
  4. Riletyface

    Riletyface Horde Gibber

    Messages:
    280
    It has a nice taste to it - I liked it.
     
    Lemmingworld likes this.
  5. Lemmingworld

    Lemmingworld Catapult Fodder

    Messages:
    20
    Thanks! :D
    </br>--- merged: Sep 3, 2012 3:50 PM ---</br>
    Yeah I do play tf2 lol.
    I kinda wanted the story to progress quickly to catch people's attention.
    So they would like the story and want to read more.
    :)
     
    FuzzyBlueBaron likes this.
  6. Doc22

    Doc22 Builder Stabber

    Messages:
    51
    Cool story bro, Tell it again!
    :p
     
  7. Lord_bugg

    Lord_bugg Smashing Donator

    Messages:
    241
    Really good story. How long for chapter 2?
     
  8. Lemmingworld

    Lemmingworld Catapult Fodder

    Messages:
    20
    *Chapter three
    Chapter two has been out since like 11:00 today. Chapter three will be out today or out tommorow at like 4:00 :D
     
  9. Ghozt

    Ghozt Haxor

    Messages:
    1,083
    People don't get alerts if you edit the OP. Just for an example with what I did with my story, I made the first post contain a index to all other chapters.


    Ah, thanks!
     
  10. Lord_bugg

    Lord_bugg Smashing Donator

    Messages:
    241
    Oh yeah,I didn't realise that.
     
  11. Lemmingworld

    Lemmingworld Catapult Fodder

    Messages:
    20
    Chapter three is out people!
    =D
    </br>--- merged: Sep 3, 2012 10:27 PM ---</br>
    If you want to get updated remember to watch the thread. Cuz I'll post like "chapter three is out and stuffz"
     
    Ghozt likes this.
  12. Lieber

    Lieber Is Probing Uranus Global Moderator Forum Moderator Donator Tester

    Messages:
    787
    I like the mix of actual computer software with the game, it was really well done.

    Reminds me that I have to finish mine.
     
  13. Lemmingworld

    Lemmingworld Catapult Fodder

    Messages:
    20
    Thanks lieber! :D
     
  14. Sirpixelot

    Sirpixelot Base Burner
    1. Aphelion's Roleplay

    Messages:
    776
    "I am the A.I." cheesy... but awesome all the same. I like this story bro, very awesome.
    Keep up the good work :3