Post jokes!

Here's a few that I know:

A blind man stands before a store counter knocking everything off the shelves onto the floor... The store clerk rushes up asking the man..."Can I help you sir!" The blind man replies..."Nah, I'm just looking!"

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♥​

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A catholic priest, a rapist and a pedophile walked into a bar. He ordered a beer.​

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♥​

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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Interrupting doctor
InterrupYou have cancer.​

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How are an alcoholic and a necrophiliac alike? They both like to crack open a cold one.​

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Doctor, won't you please kiss me?" asks the patient.
"No. You're a very beautiful woman, but it's against my code of ethics," replies the doctor.
"Please, just one kiss," she pleads.
"Sorry," says the doctor. "It's totally out of the question. I shouldn't even be f***ing you.​

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♥​

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Guy walks into his house with a duck under his arm. His wife's standing there.
He says "This is the pig I've been f**ing".
His wife says "That's a duck".
Husband says "I wasn't talking to you."​

 

Here is my joke.

 

I bet you're fun to hang out with.

 

Here's a joke.

A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL." :D
</br>--- merged: Jun 9, 2013 2:19 AM ---</br>
Can Dirty jokes be aloud? :D

 

Not bad!

I'm really not sure about that. I'd wait for a mod to take a decision.

 

I've heard Rayne was heterosexual.

 

BoW clan

 

I've heard YB was living.

 

Sometimes I go with reverse logic to be funny. My earlier post represented the fact you were expecting me to post a joke when there was none which is actually a joke because its not a joke. :D


Also the best joke around here has to do with someone's knee I think?

 

I use the RP server to Role-play.

 

Baby jokes 4 leif:

What do you call a baby, in the middle of the ocean, with no arms or legs?

Spoiler: Spoiler Hint

Fucked.

Whats more fun than spinning a baby around on the clothesline?

Spoiler: Spoiler Hint

Stoping it with a shovel.

What do you call a baby in a pit?

Spoiler: Spoiler Hint

Phil.

How do you stop a baby spinning around in circles?

Spoiler: Spoiler Hint

Nail its other arm into the ground.

 

Oh yeah?

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip!

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So I was eating this woman out once and I tasted horse semen, so I think to myself so that's how you died grandma

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What's red, 10 inches long, and makes your girlfriend cry when you try to put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage.

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What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?

They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"

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Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can see the look on its face as you climax

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What does your first car and anal sex have in common?

You don't want it but your dad gives it to you anyway.

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What's the worst part about eating vegetables?

Putting them back in their wheelchair.

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What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you kick them.

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What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?

Santa Claus goes down the chimney.

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What breaks when you give it to a toddler?

Her hips.

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What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

Punch her.

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What's the difference between a 5 year old and a night club?

You don't need a bottle of lube to get into a night club.

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2 guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. Cop taps the window, window rolls down. "Goodevening gentlemen, we're looking for 2 pedophiles."

Guy quickly closes the window. 10 seconds later he lowers it again and says: "Ok, we'll do it.

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I'm the master of sick jokes. I'll be here if you need me. <3

 

Bad jokes ... :/

 

Boy jokes don't worry :) only a few people in the world think they are funny, I am one of those people :) :3

 

I knew the second one. Thanks for the 1st one though! I'll be using that.

 

Few idiots ..

 

I bet none of you have heard this one!

Spoiler: Super Awesome Joke

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!

 

True dat. I have more jokes, if you wanna here them? Ok, this is a continued version of my previous one!

Spoiler: Even more super awesome jokes!

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!






Why did she go to the other side? To get to the bar of course!
Why did she go to the bar? To go to the toilet!
Why did she go to the toilet? Hmmmmmmm, coz thats where all the cocks hang out!

 

Found this thread through a random search, might as well necro it ;)
Plus this thread could use some non-baby killing jokes. :/


A man goes into a bar with his dog and asks for a drink. The bartender replies, "You can't bring a dog in here!"
The guy, being quick on his feet, says, "This is my seeing eye dog."
"Oh, I'm sorry," says the bartender ."Here the first ones on me."
The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks into the bar with a dog. The first guy stops him and says, "You can't bring a dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing eye dog."
The second man graciously thanks him, continues to the bar, and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "Hey! You can't bring a dog in here!"
The man replies, "This is my seeing eye dog."
The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They don't use Chihuahuas as seeing eye dogs."
The man pauses for a second and replies,"What!?!? They gave ma a Chihuahua?!?!?