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Story A user among others - A kag novel by toffie0

Discussion in 'KAG Media' started by toffie0, Feb 2, 2016.

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  1. SJD360

    SJD360 Haxor

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    289
    Oh don't worry I don't intend to, my writing is completely different. :O
     
  2. an_obamanation

    an_obamanation The boss Donator

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    392
    She means
    1. Don't copy paste the story word for word
    2. Do not paraphrase the story then claim it to be your own
    3. Make sure your own story has it's own premise. (I.E. If you have a story about being an admin and people laughing at a griefer then that is sorta bad but can still be done if it has enough things different from this story)


    I am pretty sure toffie's reaction if people copied her story would be something like this.



    [​IMG]
     
    blackjoker77777 and Achillios like this.
  3. Achillios

    Achillios Pilgrim
    1. Gather Oceania

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    156
    this a something else. :heart:
     
  4. toffie0

    toffie0 is sweeter than you <3 Global Moderator Forum Moderator Tester

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    345
    xD I don't want people copying my world and what my imaginations come up with. Plus glad to know I'm not that threatening...
     
  5. an_obamanation

    an_obamanation The boss Donator

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    392
    Donald trump is pretty threatening.

    EDIT: Duane is too :X3:
     
  6. FuzzyBlueBaron

    FuzzyBlueBaron Warm, Caring, Benign, Good and Kind Philanthrope Global Moderator Forum Moderator Donator Tester
    1. The Young Blood Collective - [YB]

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    2,508
    As I've said a few other places, been meaning to read this properly (i.e. with a clear head not full of other clutter) for over a month now (had it open as a tab in my browser all this time). Just blocked out some time for it next week, so will offer any thoughts/feedback (if that's okay, Toff) then. <3
     
    SJD360 and toffie0 like this.
  7. SJD360

    SJD360 Haxor

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    289
    Do mine next. c:

    (I need to update mine and add additional chapters; haven't been in a great mental state + I'm generally lazy.)
     
  8. FuzzyBlueBaron

    FuzzyBlueBaron Warm, Caring, Benign, Good and Kind Philanthrope Global Moderator Forum Moderator Donator Tester
    1. The Young Blood Collective - [YB]

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    2,508
    Sure. I'll add you to the list. 'Though it may be a week or so until I get there, fair warning.
     
    SJD360 and AmestriStephen like this.
  9. SJD360

    SJD360 Haxor

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    289
    Take your time, should be enough time for me to get my head together and write more. :heart:
     
  10. toffie0

    toffie0 is sweeter than you <3 Global Moderator Forum Moderator Tester

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    345
    Probably not as good as the last but... At least I didn't write it at midnight?

    Chapter 2 - The populars play tea party with my brother? What happened to war?
    It's been three days since I started kag. Yes, I may have been playing from when I got up till I went to bed earning myself around twenty hours at least. But three days never the less. So far I've been playing on AOE Bar Brawl and Aus Ctf. Both are Australian servers. At the moment I'm on Aus Ctf.

    Spawning I look around the world seeing a few familiar faces. They didn't know me. No one knew who I am. Out of the faces I recognized there is Mins, Exe, Sinop, Tna, Rue and a few others. These are the popular group. There is around ten people in the popular group. Each one being one of the best players out there. If you come face to face with either of these people it is guaranteed you're dead. People knew who these people were. They were the popular ones.

    My brother is playing somewhere on this map, I can hear him talk from a mile away. Myself? I don't bother talking. I don't know anyone, plus I haven't the slightest of clues of what to say. Instead my days usually are spent killing.

    Watching my opponent I wait for him to move. Kag is like a dance. He slashes you move back. You slash he moves back. Once one person makes a wrong move, they're gone. I hold my sword tightly, biting my lip. I can do this! I go in for a slash and... NO... He dug his sword into me! I watch one heart disappear from my health. It's alright, two more. I step back holding my breath, determined to kill him. He slashes I step back and boom! I slash and slash again as I initiate the second slash. Mentally I cheer to myself, the song celebration time going through my head. Smiling I turn to glance down the hill. My smile falters and falls quickly. One bad guy. Two bad guys. Three bad guys. There's around five blues climbing up the hill. Two I can recognize by the heads to be populars. Crap. I hold my breath and hold my sword even tighter. I could do with a good teddy right about now. They make good stress relievers. Scrap that, I could do with a whole army. With a teddy I had no chance of survival, but with an army on the other hand...

    I double slash the first guy getting rid of him quickly. Not being able to power another slash in time for the next guy I jab. It hits his shield earning my damage. This is Mins. I'm pretty sure his shield has spikes attached. One of the things that makes him so powerful. Looking at my health I realize I'm on one heart. Not good. Biting my lip I slash and slash again, but alas he steps back. My eyes widen as I see his sword coming down onto me in the form of a slash. Quickly I shield.

    'Clank' I brace myself for the second slash but it never comes. Looking around me I see that I'm flying over the hills back towards my base. I breath a sigh of relief. Shield bash. Something thankfully is a feature in the game. As I soar through the air I notice the trees and the background. Smiling peacefully my breath slows to that of a normal one. You know what would make it more peaceful? Birds. Birds soaring through the sky, with white wings oblivious to everything bellow. Sure people would probably kill them for fun, but still.

    Blackness overwhelms me. I attempt gain consciousness but it fails. What happened? I see a couple of red words.

    'Respawning in 10 seconds'

    "But I didn't die!" I attempted to cry out. Sighing I spawn at the tent, the familiarity calms me a little. I walk, no, march out of the base and towards the on going fight. Upon going up the hill I see a body. A dead one the resembles me. In my own teams spike pit.

    "I swear I'm attracted to spikes" I mutter as I march past. Facing my opponent I slash, he slashes back but too late. His dead.

    "Slash spammer!" Someone cries out at me. I've heard of jab spammer but slash spammer? That's a new one.

    "Would you prefer me go jab spam?" I ask kindly. He doesn't answer me back, instead someone else decides to attack me, this time with a pal. I call unfair! His pal jabs me in the stomach, stunning me while the guy slashes me, equalling my death.

    Again I spawn and again I thrust myself into battle. This time the guy pulls out a bomb. Run! Quickly I evacuate, running as fast as my legs will take me. Around twenty blocks away from the bomb I shield. The bomb explodes and I sigh. Crisis avoided. I stare at where the bomb was and stood proudly, glad I had avoided a certain death. The guy that threw the bomb double slashes me and I'm dead. Great.

    As I spawn a thought occurs to me. Where's my brother? Quickly I check chat, knowing his probably still talking.

    "Would you like some tea?" My brother asks.

    "Yes please," Sinop answers. A popular. How I'm the world did my brother manage to talk to a popular? Let alone play tea party with one!

    Quickly I scan the map for my brother, planning to beg him to let me into the tea party. I find him with four others in one of the hills. All of them were populars except my brother. How come he they talked to him? How come they were playing with him? Alright, I may be jealous, but still! Why couldn't he help me out here! I wanted to be recognized. Frowning I continue to slash some guys, and die some more. Often I checked on my brother who's playing tea party with the populars, each time I grew more and more jealous until I left.

    I want people to recognize me.
     
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  11. Heh, I see what you did there. Wonder who Sinop is... sounds an awful lot like- I won't spoil it if anyone still hasn't gotten it.
    Welcome to KAG, join the club.
    Mantra for success, every good player has one.
    --
    Enjoyed reading it Toff with all the sly references to in-game mechanics and folks, it's like reading a first-person experience of some random playing KAG and learning the ropes, which I am familiar with and resonating/reminiscing with heaps.

    If I could give you some constructive criticism it would be this: Show, don't tell.
    Classic writer error, you are but one amongst millions, and it wears off with experience (and reading!). If your character is having a thought, don't tell us, show us what they are thinking and explain it as vivid as you want (this also helps us jump into your world and think from the eyes of your person). The people reading your text want to work for their meal, just don't want to do it consciously. Throw in some foreshadowing and motif, make some themes that run through your story, and in no time your writing goes from words to experiences in my mind. It is super exhaustive, I admit, but I promise the thought you put behind it makes it infinitely better.

    Good Luck in your future writing endeavours! :)
     
    toffie0 likes this.
  12. toffie0

    toffie0 is sweeter than you <3 Global Moderator Forum Moderator Tester

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    Didn't know if I should use names or not, so made it halfly fake names... All the names do reflect real players tho...

    xD some random... Heh...heh...heh.. All of it is a past experience or past experiences joined into one. Some parts I have made up but most is true... But yeah... It's basically me when I first started...
     
  13. AvadaKedav

    AvadaKedav Bison Rider Staff Alumni Donator

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    38
    That is actually really nice <3. Now we know what being an admin feels like :). That sounds a bit like me when I first experienced a keg.
     
  14. Gurin

    Gurin Stop That! Global Moderator Donator Tester

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    358
    Mins better be Miniman, and I might be able to guess the others.