Corrupt a wish!

Your wish is granted; you can get money without working, but you don't.
I wish I was more consistent with my use of the helvetica font (on this forum).

 

Granted, but you collect welfare and food stamps. You live a mundane, trashy life.

I wish I could enter the world of animated movies.

Banned cause ninja.

I wish KAG contained more fan-service and better plot.

 

Your wish is granted; you can enter the world of animated movies, but you don't.
I wish I hadn't accidentally typed "brannted" while trying to remember which forum game this was.

 

Your wish is granted, as your stomach acids are a "dangerous agent" it just stay in you forever, being mildly uncomfortable (at times) and also causing constipation. As you were the one to eat the cookie, you, not the cookie, were the one to provoke the harm. Also something nondescript is wrong with the milk, and your wording didn't actually ask for the cookie, it also built the milk request as a contingency, so there's that, too. [/run-on]

I wish *I had* a normal-sized, non-poisonous, mundane, delicious, fresh, steal-proof, immune to dangerous agents, non-self-conscious cookie, that doesn't provoke harm to me in any way, that I have no intentions of eating.
And I wish *for* some tea as well.

 

Wish was granted, you now have a cookie lying in your fridge. Congratulations.
The tea was poisonous.

I wish for some non-poisonous, safe to drink herbal tea.

 

Your wish is granted. In accordance with poison classification you get nothing.
I wish for some safe to drink tea, oh wait! *sips tea irl*

 

You sewed a piece of cloth, with a KAG emoticon printed on it, in front of your eyeballs - behind your eyelids. ;)

I wish for something cold to drink.

 

You're wish is granted. You're blood is now frigidly cold, and in your mouth.
I wish that the next wish was for the world to be upside-down.

 

Your wish is granted, but it's also backwards and has a tendency to end mid sentence.
I wish XChat2 (YChat (whatever)) wouldn't get stuck whenever I (accidentally) minimize it.

 

Granted, it's now stuck whenever you open it.

I wish I could speak Japanese.

 

あなたの願いが付与されている、あなたが今話すことができるすべては日本語です
"Anata no negai ga fuyo sa rete iro, anata ga ima hanasu koto ga dekiru subete wa nihongodesu"
"Your wish has been granted, all you can speak now is Japanese"

I wish I could fully learn and understand Latin.

 

Granted. Natara stole it.

I wish Elmo was real.

 

Granted, but even wishes can't help your condition.

I wish that I was an awesome programmer.

 

Granted, but you made awful programs.

I wish I could instantly solve any mathematical equation in my mind.

 

Granted, but now you can't read or hear.

I wish the 3-day raining spree would end.