Reudh's Story Thread

Hey all. I'd like to post a piece here for critiquing; it's a piece I wrote for a community fort over on Bay12.
Spawn mentioned in the story are like twisted warped versions of dwarves that are mindless and hate all life. There was a theory someone provided that the consciousness of the dwarf transformed remain trapped inside, unable to control their now warped body, but witnessing all that the Spawn does.
This is written in a stream of consciousness style... and I'd love some criticism. :D

Softa and Ashsaber are two dwarves who were transformed quite early on. I wrote this about Softa trying to keep her sanity.

Spoiler: Softa

Softa

It's been so long since I was injured. So long since this foul being took control of my body and warped it... I mustn't think about it. Mustn't think about the creature. I am my own dwarf. I am Softa. SOFTA. Not some foul creature. I can see out of its eyes. I can see the claws that were once my arms. The claws that were once my feet. If the being looks down I can see what my chest is now. One giant mouth.

It roars. It always roars. And it terrifies me every time. Every time I hear it roar, I remind myself... I am Softa. Softa. Only Softa. Not Spawn.

Softa.
I AM SOFTA.
I AM A DWARF.

What cruel god would leave his children locked in such a state-- I shouldn't think of such things. I skate on thin ice as it is.

Softa. Think, Softa. Imagine the life you would've once had. Remember Fischer and how concerned he looked. Remember Draignean complaining. Remember the Master and Chestnut. Keep yourself together, and you'll be fine.

It's so hard to keep my mind working properly. At least I am not witnessing horrors upon horrors that I would see if I was let out of my cell.

Oh, that I would be put down soon. Then I could end this torment.
I can hear a voice from above me. I recognise the voice! This is Fischer. Fischer. Fischer.
Remember who Fischer is. Fischer is not your my enemy. Not your my enemy. Fischer is your friend. My friend. Fischer is saying something. Look up, Spawn. Look up, so I can see Fischer. Ah, good. You looked up.

Softa! Remember your friends! Fischer is saying something. Spawn hearing isn't good. I can make out Fischer's face! Yes! This... I pray and pray for things like this to happen. These moments are how I hold myself together. Yes.
What is that Fischer is saying? Peering in from above?

"Stay strong, old friend. Keep your spark alive. We'll find a way."

This cheers me. It's easier to keep the madness at bay when there's a memory of a friend.
Is the Master still around? He was so funny, playing with Chestnut right in front of me. I wonder if Draignean got anywhere with Fischer? Probably not. He's too proud. Fischer doesn't like a proud fool.

I wonder... would I have had a husband? Children? Any of the sort? I would've been a stoneworker. I would've made Spearbreakers proud.

I see Fischer leave and my hope dims a little, but the memory of her burns bright. Who is there now? Spawn is still looking up and howling. It is terrifying but the friend memory helps. Friends help.

It's Splint. Ah, Splint. He looks well. He seems to be wearing a coronet of some sort. The sort I would say is nobility. Ha! He's nobility! Good old Splint. He's plumper than he used to be. Spearbreakers must be going well. I wonder where Stova is? Is she well? Did Splint and her ever end up getting married or having children? I suppose I'll never find out now. ...No, he's got a haunted expression flitting around the back of his head.
He smiles at me and it warms my heart.

"Hello, Softa. I've come to say hello again. Spearbreakers is going well... A lot of people are very happy at the moment. We've got a new overseer... He seems to be doing alright. He had a few hiccups but he's gotten us so much food we don't know what to do with it. He says 'Spearbreakers will be known not just for its mugs'" and here I smile inside again,
"but for its mugs, woollen clothing and cheese. We've got hundreds of livestock and I'm about to be elevated to Duke. Queen Sibrek is due to be joining us in mid Autumn. Here's Reudh... our current overseer. He likes to be known as 'Lord' but I think he's just using that name for the heck of it. Call him what you want."

Splint moves aside and my heart falls for a moment again. I try and croak a response but the vicelike grip of the Spawn on my mindbodymind renders me mute. It was worth a try.

A dwarf with balding gingery-brown hair and a harried looked on his face moved into the grating above my tomb. My Spawnness jumped at him but couldn't reach. He flinched. To be expected. I must be a shocking sight.

"Hello... Softa. I have never seen a spawn before. I'm Reudh. I'm the current overseer of the fort... I can't really think of anything to say that Splint hasn't. I... I'm a little weak on the Overseering front," and I heard a thump as Splint lightly slapped him on the back of the head, "but I try my best and Spearbreakers is flourishing."

He pauses, sweats, wipes his head with a silken handkerchief before continuing.

"I have procured us all food. I could organise for some food to be thrown to you if you want."

Splint slaps him again, while the poor dwarf stammers and splutters.

"The fort's going... very well. We ran off a goblin siege earlier this summer and the undead are all but destroyed. We even have had a human join us, a man named Iki. He said he'd help Spearbreakers and defend it with his life. And yes, like Splint said, we're overhauling our industries. The humans love the mugs and even the elves did too."

He appeared to run out of steam before muttering to Splint and moving out of the way.

And my heart sank again. Alone again. Memories will get Softa through this.

But then, but then, but then, but then... A young dwarf opened the grating.
She OPENED the grating! The grating! She is hopping into the cage! What a nimble lass. As my Spawnness runs toward her, expecting a meal, I conceal my mindeyes with my mindbodyhands so I don't see her eaten and warped into bloody grisly messes. You mustn't... Foolish young girl. This is how tragedies happen. I won't look. I can't look. I mustn't look. I couldn't look.

But she is so nimble. As my spawnness strikes at her, she evades the swipe by bending low.

"Hi, Softa. How's it going? Actually, don't tell me. I can guess."
What youthful jubilance. I uncover my mindeyes. She seems to be nimble enough to avoid my Spawnness's attacks. If she can keep it up I will look. If she can't then I might lose myself. I nearly did once and it was like being set adrift in a black fog of nothingabyssdarkabsence. Terrifying.

"Well---" and she pauses to leap over another swipe, kicking out lightly at my spawnbodyness as she does so, bumping it back a little. The spawn roars with frustration and I hear Lord Reudh's shrill cry of terror.

"Well, before you so rudely interrupted me, my friend, I was about to say that I've been well. Halen and I," (and a little shadow thing popped out from her back and... well, I didn't see anything but I got the impression of a grin), "Halen and I have fallen in love." The little shadowthingpersonimpchimp chatters in a sound only I can hear. "NoTmeLovESpLiNT. OnLY love RoSIe. BuT no TelL, 'kAy?" it squeaks.

"Softa..." the girl says, and dodges another swipe. Spawnme is furious. She is hungry. It won't be eating time for her tonight. That's good. Spawnme hungry means Softame has less stress of control.

"Softa, I have to go just now. I'm hungry. See ya soon, buddy!"

With that, she gives Spawnme a shove either side of Spawnmemy's maw, which growls and gripples menacingly. Spawnme staggers back momentarily, giving the young girl and her shadowimpchimp time to vault onto the wall, latch onto the hole and climb right back out again.
Splint drags the outrageously heavy grating back into place with some trouble, aided by Lord Reudh and Fischer.

Splint tells me "Before we go, let me say this. Softa, we will always visit you. No matter the day."

Fischer moves back into view, having collected herself. It warms my heart. Spawnme frustratedly yowlshowls at her.

"Softa... my friend. I always think of you. You and Ashsaber. And all the others afflicted. Even my old friend Stova. They and you are always in my mind. When I fight, I fight for you." Splint gives a stifled sob at Stova's mention.
Oh... I had forgotten that Stova had been killed. It is a great pity.

A tear runs down dear old Fischer's face. Fischer never cries. A single tear, that runs down, to the edge of her chin and falls through the grating. Spawnme moves away from it as if it were something mildly dangerous, but I feel a hope such as I have never felt. Fischer weeps for me. This truly gives me strength.

As they leave, I can only think but one thing.
I will endure.
I will have strength.
For I am Softa. Dwarf. Not Spawn. I will not be corrupted by anyone or anything. I will hold on.

Be strong, Softa. It will not be long until you meet them again.

 

Been meaning to comment on this for a while, but really haven't had the time to devote to it atm. This is just me letting you know that I'll sit down and write something about it sometime after I get home from America (so some time after the 12th).

 

Some time after the 12th is good for me anyway! I'll be getting towards the end of uni for the year, so I'll be able to spend more time on this forum helping.

I realise that Softa's story/stream of consciousness is technically fanfic so half of the characters you wouldn't know unless you're in the same community fort on bay12.

Also the community forums are playing up... it says I've watched this forum and will receive alerts with every new comment posted, but it doesn't do that...

 

Well, here's a crashcourse for what Spawn are.