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Story Story- King Arthurs Army

Discussion in 'KAG Media' started by Ghozt, Jul 1, 2012.

?

What did you think?

  1. I want more!

    45.2%
  2. Great.

    26.0%
  3. Alright.

    13.7%
  4. Bad.

    8.2%
  5. Try harder in English.

    19.2%
  6. Put me in the story!

    30.1%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. YEAH_NAH

    YEAH_NAH Shipwright

    Messages:
    84
    Bled= Blue+ Red?

    Great story so far. :P
     
    Ghozt likes this.
  2. evol_nomad

    evol_nomad Shopkeep Stealer

    Messages:
    134
    Love the story Ghozt:D
    Did you get the name Bled from the movie 'Bled' or the town 'Bled'
    Also would you able to put a wondering nomad in the story;).

    edit: didn't think of that Yeah_Nah X3
     
  3. lukepop

    lukepop Arsonist

    Messages:
    273
    Hmmmm stoorrryyyy.
     
  4. GreenRock

    GreenRock Base Burner

    Messages:
    347
    If we have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all...? :(
    EDIT: Not sure if English is your first language
    EDIT2: That sounded insulting, sorry. I mean, just in case English wasn't your first language, I wouldn't want to critique your work. If it is, and you have been through a proper education, I think I have every right to critique a work you've so gladly showed the internet.
    EDIT3: Yeah, you asked for feedback. I'm totally going through with this.
    EDIT4: PM'd Ghozt with critiques :D
     
  5. PeterPan14

    PeterPan14 Bison Rider

    Messages:
    232
    Why did you make it so long..? :D
    </br>--- merged: Jul 2, 2012 9:49 AM ---</br>
    Guess what! I finshed it, Thats like the most i've read in 3 months.
     
    Ghozt likes this.
  6. YEAH_NAH

    YEAH_NAH Shipwright

    Messages:
    84
    That's... honestly, pretty sad. :p
     
  7. PeterPan14

    PeterPan14 Bison Rider

    Messages:
    232
    Yes I know..BUT i'm on school holidays so its all good. xD
     
    Canadian98 likes this.
  8. Ghozt

    Ghozt Haxor

    Messages:
    1,083
    Correct.

    I wrote part 4 and 5 but need to upload them off my iPod.
     
    GreenRock likes this.
  9. Bunnyboy

    Bunnyboy Drill Rusher

    Messages:
    599

    I didn't see any mistakes... maby because I'm a dumb ass when it comes to anything school related... would you care to point out all of his bad English? ;)

    @ Ghozt
    Sorry to say Ghozt, but... Worst part yet, that little rabbit will come back and haunt you for the rest of your life. :skull:
     
    Ghozt likes this.
  10. Hawker

    Hawker Bison Rider

    Messages:
    70
    there are definitely mistakes in it bunny but who cares because i dont
     
    FuzzyBlueBaron likes this.
  11. Ghozt

    Ghozt Haxor

    Messages:
    1,083
    D:

    Anyway, I wrote these from my iPod because when on a computer I play KAG.
    Why can't I write I'm shivering like CRAZY!
    Part 3 and four are written up I can't upload them.

    @Yeah_nah, tell me something you want me to incorporate into the story?
     
  12. GreenRock

    GreenRock Base Burner

    Messages:
    347
    I sent you a PM with my critique.

    I like writing. A lot. I take some sick joy out of editing other people's works (for the better, of course ;)) and to see someone be creative enough to try and form a story around KAG, well, that's fucking awesome to me. I care because it can totally be a better story. It can always be a better story. Writing just might not be your thing, but your apathy to improvement is saddening.
     
    Ghozt and Nighthawk like this.
  13. GloriousToast

    GloriousToast Haxor Donator

    Messages:
    1,463
    gj ghozt!
    better then myn >.>
    when do you suppose you will revise it?
     
  14. Ghozt

    Ghozt Haxor

    Messages:
    1,083
    Revise what?
     
  15. CoD

    CoD Haxor

    Messages:
    481
    Well, the story.
     
    short_round likes this.
  16. GloriousToast

    GloriousToast Haxor Donator

    Messages:
    1,463
    for example originally in the first part you were using verbs that were in the present tense like 'walk' and 'slip' and then at the end you said 'I told her' which is past tense (in regards to that you should have said 'then i tell her'
    using what tense is an example of why you should revise it a bit
     
  17. CoD

    CoD Haxor

    Messages:
    481
    So basically edit out the mistakes.
     
    short_round and Ghozt like this.
  18. Hella

    Hella The Nightmare of Hair Global Moderator Donator Tester

    Messages:
    1,655
    Hehe, weeell, I just got here and I like what I see, Ghozt. ^_^
    I quite like your style of writing, particularly the balanced use of sentence length. If I had a criticism, it might be that the flow of the writing is sometimes not as smooth as it could, which can interrupt the story a bit for me, but other than that it's pretty fine.

    I look forward to more.. :3
     
    Ghozt likes this.
  19. GhostyS

    GhostyS Shopkeep Stealer

    Messages:
    150
    <---
     
    Antman, FuzzyBlueBaron and Ghozt like this.
  20. Ghozt

    Ghozt Haxor

    Messages:
    1,083
    King Arthur's Army - three -

    I never really made my way throughout out where I lived. Besides most of city just being creepy with beggars littering the streets, I just didn't have the time. Today was going to be different. Emery walked me up the hand chiseled steps of the city hall of King Arthur's City, obviously because the architect of the town was lacking inspiration and creativity when naming the city. Despite the name King Arthur did not populate the town, and probably didn't know it existed. That thought was torn out of everyones heads when the King expressed his 'love' for our town and took a holiday for a fortnight.

    I started to get the feeling that Emery was King Arthur's body guard, then what was she doing in the woods, was it fate, accidental or was she looking for me? I pushed that thought aside and played along with the trip to the hall.

    Emery skipped pass all of the supposed town 'knights' with the occasional curtesy and walked inside the town hall.

    Emery knew exactly where the King of Bled [see if you can figure out how I came up with the country of 'Bled' guess correctly and I will (try) to incorporate your game name into the story] was situated, that basically confirmed my theories on Emery being bodyguard.

    She opened up the door and a rich voice bellowed,
    "Hello, who is it?"
    I followed Emery inside and I was astonished to be upon the King of my country. Even though he is a fat slob that cares for no one else, I payed utmost respect and listened intently.
    Emery asked me to wait outside for a second.
    So took myself outside and waited a few minutes until I heard her luscious voice usher me back inside. King Arthur then asked me a question, a question that bewildered me.
    "Would you, Conner like to fight for your country along King Arthurs men!"
    It took a few seconds for my brain to even comprehend the scope of the question. I rattled all my distant thoughts out and focussed on the question.
    It didn't take long; a life a riches, wealth, fame and the occasional close encounter with death or sitting in a run down shack with little food grinding rocks and sticks down.
    "I will fill out my duties to my uttermost best your majesty, just one thing."
    "Yes Conner?"
    "Why me?"
    "You have the reactions like a rabbit. You are as sly as a fox along with being as precise as a hawk, you will be gladly welcomed and most importantly you saved my daughter from death!"

    Before you get to start battling foes, we need to see your skills, your reactions and how you 'play'.

    The king was escorted by carriage while Emery and I rode a horse together. We arrived at the destination, a small paddock on the outskirts of a developing forest. As the sky tinted orange from the approaching darkness the King told me to show him what skills I posses.

    I pulled out my so ever loyal dagger a poised it for a throw at some defenseless prey. The first thing I spotted, a small rabbit, from it's dirty and ragged hair I presumed it was a boy.

    I chucked it with ease.
    The small but lethal dagger twirled in the air reflecting specs of, now dark, orange sun light into an array of directions.

    *shnt*

    The knife dislodged into the Rabbits right eye with extreme precision. The king went over towards the rabbit and put on a set of gloves and inspected the rabbit.

    "Magnificent!"

    The knife had barely damaged any meat, even with the knife protruding out if the eye at least 15 centimeters.
    Emery walked over grinning. That grin soon turned to disgust as she noticed parts of the eye started oozing out.

    I threw a few more and performed some of my basic one-on-one grapples and tricks on an assistant body guard.

    I started getting cocky and performing tricks as the moon crept up into the sky.

    As the knife exited my hand, I knew it couldn't possibly end well.


    Again I write this from my iPod, any suggestions or feedback will be gladly accepted, thanks for reading!


    Thanks for waiting everyone for part 3!
     
    Gamerbro likes this.