Tales of Dilavia: The Prophecy (Story in progress)

Hello everyone. First of all, should I move this to a different board? x)

Anyway, I've been writing a story based on some roleplay events from Frog's Roleplaying Server (which is awesome by the way). I felt like sharing it here, and so you could give me some thoughts on what I can do better. Enjoy :)


PART I


Chapter 1: The World and a Priest.

Lieber woke up after a long and uncomfortable boat trip, that was due to arrive to Forg much earlier. He wasn’t a very influential person. He was a Priest, not one that had much word in religious or political matters, but only one that wished to spread the word of, what he considered, the truth.

The Earth was divided in two continents: Dilavia, where Humans live and prosper, and Driak, where the Dark Elves live. Little is known about Driak and the Dark Elves since the distance between the two continents is really high and the only Humans to have gone there have never returned. Dilavia however is composed of three different countries: Forg, where the story takes place, Aeli and Brai.
Politically, the three different countries are ruled by three different kings, and one oversees them all. The King of Forg has for name Aerin the Brave. Aeli, doesn’t have a King but a Queen named after the Goddess Aela of Assassins and Brai has for King Irab The Illustrious.
The people of Dilavia are polytheists, believing in nine Gods, not so different from Greek Mythology in our world. The Gods are Aela the Assassin, Born the Paladin, Dren the Thief, Natura the Tree Lover, Krios the Necromancer, Aegis the Guard of Gods, Jial the Priest, Grin the Neutral and Quil the Builder.
The Boat Lieber traveled on came to a stop: he had arrived at the capital of Forg. However, war had ravaged the city and most of the clan strongholds (based on their god) were in ruin or in the middle of reconstruction. But Lieber had come here for one reason: finding the ruins of the Priest Temple.

Chapter 2: The Paladin.

Lieber got out of the boat, still groggy and took his first step in the city. The summer wind brought the scent of trees and the sound of hard working people. However he knew that this city wasn’t that beautiful. Since the Forg-Brai War, the King hadn’t that much money left to rebuild the capital, so today the city itself has been rebuilt but not the Strongholds. The first thing Lieber did was to ask around and see if he could find a map. Fortunately, the people of the city were kind, and a Builder gave him a map that he no longer used.
The middle of the city had most of the information on the whereabouts, the King’s Castle, a few hotels and restaurants, and the Tree House, not exactly a stronghold but still the place where the Tree Lover Clan stayed. At the East, the road seemed to be blocked off. He asked what was the problem over there but the only answers he got were: “Bad place to be fellow” or “Don’t ask, you’ll attract less problems”.
He was intrigued so he left to the East, keeping a knife under his sleeve just in case. After walking a long road he noticed a small cabin that seemed abandoned. But as he walked over and looked at the sign, it was too late. Three men jumped out of the trees surrounding the cabin and pointed their bows, except one who approached him with a knife in his hand and started talking to the poor priest:
“Give us your money priest!” the man said.
Lieber tried to talk his way out.
“Why would I have any money dear friend, I am only a Priest spreading the word of Jial!
-You are lying. I smell the scent of money on you and you wouldn’t be keeping that knife in your sleeve unless you had something to protect! Give us your pouch and you will leave unharmed!” the thief responded.

Lieber was in trouble, and he started to walk slowly away but another of the thiefs jumped behind him. He was cornered, he couldn’t believe he let his curiosity take over him. He closed his eyes, ready to take the blow when out of nowhere a woman in cyan colored armor jumped on the thief with the knife and removed his head right off of his shoulders and ran to the two other thieves holding the bows. Lieber took advantage of this moment to jump out of the way and hide into the bushes while the woman slayed the other thieves. He couldn’t believe his eyes, a woman wearing heavy armor but still managing to perform acrobatic moves between each thief and in moments they all dropped dead on the ground. He was afraid that she would kill him but in fact she did the exact opposite, by approaching him and helping him get off the ground.

“You were in trouble there sir, those thieves would have killed you if I didn’t come earlier, are you okay?”
Lieber was still under the shock be was able to form a correct sentence.
“Why… Yes I am fine thanks to you, but forgive me for asking this so directly but… who are you?”
The woman seemed amused, she removed her helmet, showing her long brown hair and looked straight into his eyes.
“I am a Paladin. You didn’t recognize the armor?” she said smiling.
Lieber felt ashamed, he knew everything about the Clans and the Gods but wasn’t able to tell who she was.
“Well, I have to go know, write to my mentor that I killed a few thieves, If you want to talk you can always come by to Paladin Tower”.
She turned around and started walking away when Lieber finally decided to ask what was her name. She simply answered: “You can call me Pheonix”.


Chapter 3: Going Underground.

Lieber arrived to a place named Tower Hotel due to it’s proximity to the Paladin Tower. He remembered that it was the only Clan Stronghold to have sustained minimal damage during the war. The Paladins were known to have been elite fighters during that war and know try to get rid of the most notable enemies of the city: the Thief Clan and the Assassin Clan.
There has always been conflict between clans but they were the order of the world. There was balance. And the only clan to have been fully wiped out was the Necromancer Clan during the Coup of Y12 (all events happen after the Arventus Rebellion that was a struggle to bring society equal. It is at that moment where Dilavia adopts the Religion of the Nine and create the clans.) where the Necromancers planned to kill the King Aerin the Brave but ultimately failed because of the Paladins, that completely obliterated the Necromancer Clan after that.
Lieber looked up at the tower, lit up and seemed full of activity. He opened the door of the hotel. A few people were still inside having drinks. He mostly found Builders and Guards, due to the fact that the other clans lived either in houses or their strongholds, no matter how damaged they were. He asked the hotel owner for a room just for the night since he wasn’t planning on staying long. Just a quick trip to the ruined Priest Temple to find old books precious for the Clan. There were strongholds all over the continent, but Lieber never really stayed in one place, he stopped at one place to work and left for another a few days later. These books were to be brought back to Maltot in Aeli, he tried to avoid doing work between Forg and Brai since there were still tensions. He entered the room, put his pouch and bag on the table and lied down on the bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

The next day, he woke up early, eager to meet that woman, Pheonix, in the Tower. He took his belongings, making sure he had left nothing behind and left the Hotel. The road to Paladin Tower wasn’t easy, he had to go down stone stairs that led to an odd looking bridge and then climbed up the ladder leading to the door of the Stronghold. The difficult path was probably the reason why the Brai soldiers weren’t able to destroy the Tower. He got to the front door, tired and knocked. Suprisingly, Pheonix was the one who opened up and smiled.
“Hello there.
-Good morning madam!
-Just call me Pheonix, and now that I think of it, what’s your name?
-I’m Lieber.
-Lieber? Please come in, tell me of your business in this, once, beautiful city?”
And so, Lieber told her about his travels and how his Clan told him to find ancient books in the Priest Temple.

“Lieber, I’m afraid that’s going to be difficult, the Priest Temple fell into a crevasse during an earthquake, it’s not accessible from outside.” she said, after a long silence
“But, I have to find those books!” Lieber said alarmingly
“Now, now, I said it wasn’t accessible from outside, but there is an access through the tunnels beneath the bridge.
-That’s what it’s for?
-It was used to fight the Necromancer’s and the Brai invaders, now it might be the only way to your temple.”

Lieber got up, took his bag and thanked her. Right at the moment he was about to walk out of the Tower, Pheonix told him:
“Lieber, if you need to study your books or do anything you are welcome here.
-Thank you Pheonix. I will come back at least to keep you posted.
-And may the Nine be with you, because going underground isn’t easy.”


Chapter 4: In The Ruins.

Lieber got back down the ladder and arrived back at the bridge. That’s where he noticed another Priest waiting and looking at the Tower, then back down at the bridge.
“Can I help you, dear Priest?” said Lieber, happy to see another person from his clan.
The man seemed distracted but finally answered that he was looking for help to find the Priest Temple.
“I’m going there right now, however we need to go underground to find the ruins. What are you going there for?” Lieber asked suspiciously
“I was ordered update our maps with the findings of the temple, ordered by Master Len, Priest Temple of Farlath in Aeli.” The man answered.
Lieber’s concerns were evaporated.
“Then come with me, I’m headed there, I must find ancient books in the ruins of the temple.”
And so they they tried to find a way into the tunnels together. The bridge was steady so there was no access point there. In fact it took some time before Lieber’s companion, nicknamed Eagle, fell through rocks and into a natural cave.
“Lieber, I think I found the entrance” he coughed.
Lieber went through the newly found entrance and found Eagle just getting up, covered in dust.
“Eagle, you have any light? A lantern or something?
-Yes, let me light it up.”
And so, a red flame lit the way ahead, a dark tunnel with the scent of mossy stone and the noise of water. They were probably in the old sewer. They walked for a long time, and they were starting to get cold.

 

Thank you, I am planning to continue, when I have written a more substantial part I will post it. Now it seems the Miscellaneous forum isn't visited that much. Should I post this is Art or General Discussion?

 

I'll be posting in the General Discussion, I've seen someone posting his story there. If it works, I'll be updating over there. Also, I'm posting an updated version with a couple of fixes :)